Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
