the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
