he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
