Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
