thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
