if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
