hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
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You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
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