can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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