Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
