Moan for me like Helen Keller
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
