Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
