she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
