I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
