I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
