I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
