Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
