you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
