My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
