whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
