Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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