My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
