Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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