you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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