My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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