I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
