Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
