I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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