she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
