i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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