i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
