6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
