Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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