i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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