there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize