I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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