The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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