I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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