Whod you bang
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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