what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
