their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
