Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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