yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
