dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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