drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
