I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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