What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I need water and some morals
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize