So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize