I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
