i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize