What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
