So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
