I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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