there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize