dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
