If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
