I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
