roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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