Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
