im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
