So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
