And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize