You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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