The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
