is your mom at the bar?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
