So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
wanna go halves on a baby?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You have to summon your inner elephant
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
