I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
