I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize