I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
