My first STD was from a foam party
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
