omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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