Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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