I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize