So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
