Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
