im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
