He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
