Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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