My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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