dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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