I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
