i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
