JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I want her autograph on my taint
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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