Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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