Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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