I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
