But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
