I seem to have left my pride at pride
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
