Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
