I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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