Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
