Do you still have your period?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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