I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize