Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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